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The Magestic Splendor of Online Advertising! or some damn thing like that.

Random Whimsy: Uncensored interview with mogul Ken Minnick
by Mark Woodruff, Special to

That's right. It's the uncut, word-for-word transcript of the AdBanter interview with Ken Minnick -- long considered one of the most knowledgeable online ad minds in the industry. To capture the hard-hitting, gritty nature of this exclusive interview, we've chosen to publish the completely unedited version. This is similar to a "Director's Cut" movie, only a lot more steamy.

AdBanter: Hi, Ken. I'm Mark Woodruff with Ad Banter (extending hand).

Minnick: Hi, Mark (extending hand, shaking) ... I'm Ken Minnick. Good to meet you.

AdBanter: You want some water or something?

Minnick: No, thanks. I'm good.

AdBanter: We got Perrier?

Minnick: Thanks, no. I've got my coffee. Gotta have that caffeine!

AdBanter: (Rolls eyes) I HEAR ya. Gotta have that legal stimulant, or else ... (Pretends to instantly fall asleep)

Minnick: (Uncomfortable chuckle)

AdBanter: (Loud chuckle) Mind if I record this?

Minnick: Sure. No problem.

AdBanter: My jerk boss'll have my bee-hind if I don't get this down on tape. He's afraid I'll (mocking the boss with a nasal tone and using his hands to make "air quotes") take quotes out of context.

Minnick: (Nods and shakes his head like, "Oh yeah, man, I know JUST what you mean")

AdBanter: You see Ally McBeal last night?

Minnick: Nuh-uh. I thought it was a rerun. Was it a good one?

AdBanter: Oh, man. Ally was in that co-ed bathroom they have and ... can you hand me that?

Minnick: This?

AdBanter: No, that.

Minnick: This?

AdBanter: No, that one.

Minnick: This?

AdBanter: (Frustrated laugh) No, THAT!

Minnick: Oh, I thought you meant this! (laughing and holding some kind of thing)

AdBanter: (mustering a polite smile) Whatever. So anyway, she was dancing and singing and really getting into it and she had NO IDEA that this one guy from her office was just standing there watching her.

Minnick: He was just watching her the whole time?

AdBanter: Yeah. It was funny.

Minnick: Dang, I shoulda' taped it.

AdBanter: Can you lift your leg for a second? I gotta get this cord under your chair.

Minnick: Here, hold this for me (hands coffee mug to Ad Banter interviewer) and I'll get it through there for you. Umph! (lifting chair) There you go.

AdBanter: Oh, yeah, cool. Thanks. I can reach it now. Just need to ... plug it ... in and ... (plugs in tape recorder to wall outlet) OK. Good.

Minnick: You know, I think I WILL take some of that water.

AdBanter: The Perrier?

Minnick: Yeah.

AdBanter: I hope they still have some left.

Minnick: Oh, well, if it's a problem, I ...

AdBanter: No, no ... lemme go check. Where's that guy?

Minnick: What guy?

AdBanter: You know. That one guy ... with the thingie (holds left hand up high to emulate the "thingie" that the one guy had).

Minnick: Oh. Uh ... I dunno.

AdBanter: When he comes back, I'll ask him about the Perrier. Hey, you want one of these? (Pulls some undetermined thing in crinkly plastic out of pants pocket and offers it to Minnick.)

Minnick: Oh. I LOVE those things. Thanks.

AdBanter: Wanna get started with the interview?

Minnick: (Opening plastic and popping thingie into mouth and giving the "OK" sign) Mm-hmph.

Check out the meticulously edited conclusion of the Ken Minnick interview in next week's AdBanter.

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